For Sale: Island Condo

Condos for sale on a man made island structure many miles from the mainland in a hurricane free zone.
Must be prepared for arrest and jail time when caught:
wearing the wrong t-shirt
having sex on your beach
bringing a breakfast roll
bringing some tylenol
having 0.003 grams of marijuana stuck to your shoe

Location is near the equator, so bring plenty of sunscreen!
Just sign on the dotted line and you'll not be not loving your condo in no time...

Who knew these weren't going to sell like hotcakes? Who wouldn't want to invest in their piece of an extravagant gated community built on a man made island in the middle of an ocean? I mean, come on people! Start buying!

THIS is whydubaianspaytaxes.

(The Palm Islands are mostly owned by Dubai World which is going down so hard Dubai appears to be going with it)

Hey Sarge, I think we better confiscate this Wii

I know, this is a pretty old one, but I missed it the first time around. As luck would have it, it has recently been added to the FailBlog.org site for voting so I didn't miss it this time 'round.

Back in September, a few different police departments got together for a good ol' fashioned drug raid. Luckily for them, no one was home.

How is this lucky you ask?

Because they didn't even have to ask to play dude's Wii!

Yes. After the initial rush of making sure the house was cleared of evil doers, these officers opted for the more engaging rush of Wii Bowling.
I insist that you watch at least parts of the video... Be amazed with me as the female officer jumps up and down, leaping for joy as she rolls strike after strike. Watch as many different officers wait their turn. And then there's this confusing little diddy at the end where an officer chooses to pantomime his fucking a person doggy style while spanking his partner's ass. I suspect, though have my doubts, that this imaginary mate was of the opposite sex...

So there you have it. Outstanding personal and professional conduct. I'm impressed, officers. Thoroughly impressed.

THIS is whyFLORIDIANSpaytaxes.

Extortion on a grand scale

The Mafia can only dream of such numbers...

Where to start... Where to start...

Ok. As we all know, we pay private security firms in our current wars to help get shit done without having our enlisted men do it all. How this is cheaper than doing it ourselves isn't really clear, but apparently, this is the only way we can get our wars done. Whatever.

So far, so good.

In Afghanistan, the US and other forces decided that since we're pumping countless tons of cold hard cash into private hands to help run this public war, we should spend a little of that money to Afghan contractors. For example, one of our trucking contracts makes up:
5% OF AFGHANISTAN'S GDP!

So far, so good. Kinda wise even. Since we're throwing away bills by the ton, why not put some of it towards keeping our bored enemies busy. Too busy working to join your little jihad.

Problem is, there aren't enough Afghans in the country to actually do the kind of security work that is needed to truck shit around their country. Even without a war going on, the [lack of] roads and mountains make trucking in this area difficult at best.

So far, getting a bit murky.

In order to get the trucking done that they need to, they take a pallet or two of the tons of cash we gave them and spend it on protection money from local warlords. Its generally a pay per truck sliding fee scale thing.

So far, ... Wait. Aren't these the same local warlords that make up and support the Taliban?

Yes. A large portion of the money we pay to Afghans to haul our shit around their country goes straight into the hands of the Taliban. In fact, it is believed that this makes up a significant portion of the Taliban's war budget.

Take a minute. Let that soak in...

We invade a country, then give it the money needed to fight back. This is worse than paying them to not shoot at us as we did in Iraq. I mean come on... Didn't we already learn all this a few decades ago as the Fed brought the Mafia down to a tolerable level of power? Paying someone to not attack you only gives them more money and power to demand that you pay them more next time!

I don't even want to spend much time thinking that while we are assisting in paying the Afghans not to attack other Afghans that there is that much more money around to attack Americans instead.

Without us, they couldn't afford to fight us.

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

read more: Private contracts drive Afghan economy (marketplace)

Cash for clunkers on a grand scale

I was waiting for someone to figure it out. The first calculation I found comes from the Rochester Institute of Technology:

Every vehicle GM sells costs $12,200 of taxpayer money.
Every vehicle Chrysler sells costs $7,600 of taxpayer money.

Meanwhile, for every vehicle Ford sells, they don't expect you and I to pay their expenses. After all, they are a for-profit PRIVATE company. Unlike Chrysler and GM.

Don't get the math wrong, I'm sure there is a bit of forecasting and estimating going into those numbers. Its not like the costs will go up every time they make a sale, in fact, the more they sell, the less per vehicle cost of the tax burden. I just found it shocking that a reasonable estimate sets the cost of producing cars HIGHER than the MSRP!

Government subsidized auto industry...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

read more: Each GM car sold costs taxpayers $12,200, RIT says (RBJ)

Interest swaps

Its a damn fine thing that we were able to bail out the banks long enough to for them to come calling on the bogus investments they sold to us as interest swaps and whatnot.

Follow the money:
Banks sell interest swaps to government agencies, pensions, school districts, and others that use taxpayer money to pay their bills. The idea is that they'll magically get lower interest rates on money borrowed because this banker in a really nice suit told them it would.
taxpayers 0 Banks 1

Suddenly, that very same banker almost goes out of business. A true travesty of justice as we picture him trading in that really nice suit to feed his family. Instead of letting them realize the consequences of their failures, our government uses taxpayer money to pay their bills for them.
taxpayers 0 Banks 2

Now that everything is running smooth, it comes time to think about how big of a bonus the banker in a really nice suit will get. Wait a minute, I know. He can tell all his interest swap customers that not only did they not get the lower interest rates, but things are so tough out there that they suddenly owe the banks MILLIONs of dollars.
taxpayers 0 Banks 3

Thats right. A fabricated product did not perform as promised. Though rather than losing your investment in the product outright, you actually owe more now!

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

read more: Auditor general looks to ban swaps(marketplace)

End of prohibition savings

November 2nd Newsweek had an interesting info-graphic.

The amount the federal government could save if it stopped investigating and prosecuting small time marijuana offenders is $13.5 BILLION.

Think of the school books we could buy with that kind of money. Or drug treatment facilities. Or turn it into a profit center and use that money to open a munchies restaurant chain.

This number does NOT take into account the BILLIONS that could be raised by taxing the stuff.

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

So long and thanks for all the cash

With the collapse of CIT was the elimination of any hope of getting the $2.3 BILLION taxpayers gave to them under Dubya's TARP fund.

You kinda gotta wonder where all that cash went... I mean, I know you're not supposed to. Its easier if you just don't think about it and try to forget it while wondering what team Brett Farve is playing for this week.

But... You kinda gotta think about it... That's a lot of money to give to someone who 3 months later comes to you and says paying you back just isn't gonna work out for him anymore.

Maybe we should be breaking some knees...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.