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As the DNA evidence clearly shows, Your Honor, she was assaulted by the ham and swiss on rye.
Amongst other systemic failures, the Cambridgeshire Police Department was found to often store DNA evidence in freezers next to uncovered foodstuffs.
Not to worry. Deputy Chief Constable John 'You Gonna Eat That?' Feavyour personally looked into it and all of the DNA samples that were stored in these conditions were redundant and never affected the outcome of any trials.
Apparently, they were hoping to taint their lunches, not the DNA samples...
THIS is whybritspaytaxes.
read more: Police kept DNA samples with food(bbc)
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