Case closed

Man... Saudi Arabia must save a TON of cash with the wit and efficiency their police force use to serve and protect.

I mean, just take a look at this case:
A 40 year old woman stumbles into a hospital with severe burns and injuries. The doctors tried in vain, but were unable to save her life.

Well, fuck me. There must be some foul play afoot, no?

Well, apparently, "The woman beat herself up and tortured herself with fire," exclaimed police spokesman Colonel Abdullah "No Stone Unturned" Al Sarani. "We closed the case, as no criminal act is involved."

Nicely done officers! Any guesses as to why a woman would beat herself up and torture herself with fire?

The good colonel was glad to be asked, as this open and shut baby tells itself: "Because, she is gripped by jinn." As further evidence, our "Investigation showed the other members of her family are also controlled by jinn."

Fantastic. So, to make sure I understand this, you're saying "Genies! Case closed!" and scurrying away?

That is some beautiful police work.

THIS is whysaudiarabianspaytaxes.
read more: ‘Haunted’ Saudi woman tortures herself to death(e247)

STOP! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

Tax exempt

If churches were treated like the business entities they are and had to pay a fair share, the US economy would have an additional $100 BILLION annually in property taxes alone!

Subsidizing for-profit organizations...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.
read more:How We All Pay For the Huge Tax Privileges Granted to Religion – It’s Time to Tax the Church(n4cm)

Jesus would have wanted us to have this lobby

Still witch huntin' in 2011

The witch problem we humans contend with first came to prominence in the dark ages. By the time the Salem Witch Trials came about, we thought we had eradicated the threat altogether. However, as it turns out, we were wrong and still have a witch problem in the world.

Thankfully, our friends in Saudi Arabia have not rested on their laurels while the rest of the complacent world goes on about its business as though sorcery and magic spells don't exist.

Earlier today, Saudi Arabia executed Amina bint Abdul Halim bin Salem Nasser by way of beheading under the charge of practicing "witchcraft and sorcery." Surprisingly, no further details were provided in regards to the charges against her.

That's some good investigatin', judgin', and executin'!

THIS is whysaudiarabianspaytaxes.
Read more: Saudi woman executed for 'witchcraft and sorcery'(bbc)

Church sues state

The Pilgrim Baptist Church in Chicago is suing the state of Illinois over the promises of Rod 'Only Innocent People Appear on 'The View'' Blagojevich.
After all, they had a fire. And why should they be responsible for covering their own damages when they can just turn to the state? Is not like there is anything in the constitution guaranteeing the separation of church and state...

Here's a few things that tickles my brain in a bad way:
1.) They were promised $1 MILLION even though the damages totaled $65,015.
2.) The $1 MILLION was still given out, but it was given to a PRIVATE school that was leasing the area of the church that had the fire. (Because private schools benefit everyone, not just the parents that can afford to send their kids there.)
3.) I mean really... The state has to pay to defend itself because a corrupt governor made a promise to a church? Like a governor has any business promising statewide tax funds to a small church in an urban area that is many hours away from most of the residents of the state?

If this works out for them, I think I'll drop my homeowner's insurance and sue the state for damages when it burns down.

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

read more: Church sues Illinois Department of Commerce and Economic Opportunity(wgn)

Separation of church and... I think we've heard this one before

Just going to cover it briefly by broadly summarizing to suit my needs:
The Supreme Court is hearing a case on whether or not a public university should be forced to provide a bit of financial support to a Christian group that violates university rules by not allowing gay folk into their club.
Yes, this church group is suing because they aren't being given their fair share of government funding.
Thank God there is no separation of church and state.

Antonin 'Nipple Fan' Scalia was most eloquent in his argument:
"Frankly, one reason why I am inclined to think this is pretextual is that it is so weird ... to require this Christian society to allow atheists not just to join, but to conduct Bible classes, right? That's crazy!"
At which point he promptly took another hit off his hookah and mumbled to himself "Just crazy man. Crazy."

Yes. Lets give them public funding so they can fend off the crazy atheists trying to teach their bible classes...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

read more: Court Weighs Rights Of Campus Religious Groups(npr)

Behold, the power of prayer

Rather than putting medical science before their religious beliefs, Dale and Leilani Neumann of Wisconsin decided that only their god could treat their daughter's diabetes. You'd expect they would have at least asked their preacher who might have suggested that doctors are also a gift from their god. But no. Instead, they got some fellow crazies (no offense to any non-religious crazies out there) to have a prayer circle and sat around watching as the daughter died.

Wilford 'Diabeetus' Brimely would be pissed.

I'm pissed because of the many months of jury trial involved, forthcoming appeals, and the free room and board al a the 25 year reckless homicide conviction.

At least they won't be able to make anymore children, then make said children suffer an extremely painful death instead of beleiving in the power of insulin.

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

read more: Praying man let his daughter die(bbc)

Advertising for souls

I don't think I'm alone in this assumption:
ANY organization that can afford to run full page ads in a national magazine such as Newsweek (Current rate for a 4-color full page ad: $226,590) can probably afford to pay their fair share of taxes.

Can someone please explain to me why churches don't have to pay taxes? Anyone?
Especially now that they are competing with non-government-subsidized businesses for ad space? You can't tell me there isn't a medium sized business or two out there that would LOVE to buy some ad space in Newsweek but paid their taxes instead...

Helping churches harvest souls.

THIS is whyipaytaxes. (so they don't have to)

Preacher embezzlement

US priests 'in $800,000 theft'(bbc)

When their not screwing your children, they're stealing your entry fee into heaven...

I wonder if those parishioners whose money they stole are going to go to hell because they never got there tithing to the right people...

What does all this have to do with wasted taxes? Nothing. I just don't like organized religions so large that the preachers can steal almost a million dollars to pay off their hookers. So, I bitch a little... (Did I mention they used some of the stolen money on mistresses? Or that they used the money to gamble? Or that they used the money to buy vacation properties? (at least the last one isn't really a sin. Sort of...))

But, I'll try a tie in anyway: If we didn't allow the business of religion operate tax free, there probably would have been stricter accounting regulations that might have caught these bastards a bit sooner. Strict accounting regulations aside, if this particular church was used as a for-profit business, why the hell is it still tax free?

THIS is [has little to do with] whyipaytaxes.