Still witch huntin' in 2011

The witch problem we humans contend with first came to prominence in the dark ages. By the time the Salem Witch Trials came about, we thought we had eradicated the threat altogether. However, as it turns out, we were wrong and still have a witch problem in the world.

Thankfully, our friends in Saudi Arabia have not rested on their laurels while the rest of the complacent world goes on about its business as though sorcery and magic spells don't exist.

Earlier today, Saudi Arabia executed Amina bint Abdul Halim bin Salem Nasser by way of beheading under the charge of practicing "witchcraft and sorcery." Surprisingly, no further details were provided in regards to the charges against her.

That's some good investigatin', judgin', and executin'!

THIS is whysaudiarabianspaytaxes.
Read more: Saudi woman executed for 'witchcraft and sorcery'(bbc)

Posessed dog case

Because a dog wandered into a rabbinical courthouse in Jerusalem, the judges just had to have a trial. After all, they couldn't get it to leave!

In the end, these judges ruled:
* The dog was a reincarnation of a lawyer who died 20 years ago.
* This dog is this lawyer because 20 years ago, the judges ruled that the lawyer's spirit would enter the body of a dog. This classic ruling was made because the lawyer insulted the judges.
(Imagine that, insulting *these* fine judges? No way!)
* They are certain of this because the dog wouldn't leave.
and... My favorite part of the ruling:
* That the dog should be stoned to death, by children. Fun for the whole family!

Good, solid, and quality judgin'...

THIS is whyisraelispaytaxes.

read more:Jerusalem rabbis 'condemn dog to death by stoning'(bbc)

Rude enough for imprisonment

Colm 'Decency Free' Coss of Ardwick, Manchester (UK) is a world class loser. He found great joy in opening fake Facebook accounts and defiling tribute pages of the recently deceased. He seems to enjoy telling the traumatized family that he enjoyed having sex with the corpse of their loved ones.

Yeah. A real peach. A real fucking stand-up guy. The kind of guy you wouldn't mind meeting in a dark alley with a bunch of your friends.

So, how to handle this?
Do we stop making Facebook tribute pages? Nope. Couldn't do that. People like having tribute pages.
Perhaps we could set the comments section to be reviewed and approved? Nope. Couldn't do that. People like having tribute pages open to anyone in the world. After all, its a tribute page, no one would disrespect that!

Naw. Screw all that. Lets just throw him in jail!

After all, he was Very Mean in a public forum. And Very Mean people should be in jail!

Its a lot like the girl who recently decided to invite the entire world to her birthday party, then was surprised that a handful of them actually RSVPd to attend.
When will people learn that when you choose to allow the general public into your life online, its not just the fun ones that will show up?

Trial, room, and board because a disturbed man posted tasteless comments in a forum designed to allow anyone to post anything they want...

THIS is whyBRITSpaytaxes.

Read more: Jade Goody website 'troll' from Manchester jailed(bbc)

Modern day castle

This story is really quite sad...


A judge in Britain can't stand the fact that a farmer built this house in spite of having been told it would violate zoning ordinances. So, the farmer went and found himself a loophole which allows anyone to keep a building that violates such ordinances if the building had been in place for at least 4 years. Our friendly farmer simply stacked up walls of hay bails to conceal his progress in building his castle with nary a complaint. 4 years after he and his family moved in, he pulled down the hay bails and likely gave himself a content pat on the back for finding a way to complete his life's dream home.

Well, this just broils the judge. How dare the citizenry do as they see fit while taking advantage of loopholes written into the law? Now, the judge is demanding that this man tear down his castle. The logic: The hay bails was a part of the structure that stood for the 4 years. When he pulled down the hay bails from around his home, the judge rules that he substantially changed the structure thereby opening himself back up to the local zoning ordinances.

A beautiful home that would likely stand for centuries. Gone over a silly ordinance. No complaints, just an ordinance.

THIS is whybritspaytaxes.

Bailin' out the lawyers

Lets buy the line that the TARP and other bailouts had to happen or calamity would have ensued. (A calamity that would have leveled the playing fields a bit. A calamity that would have potentially brought many of the super-rich down to our levels. A calamity that would have voided their inherent superiority and MUST NOT BE.) Ok. So we buy that line. Bad things would happen if we didn't start pouring money from everyone's pocket into a handful of fat cat's pockets.

Having agreed to the necessity of giving rich people access to our co-op (tax pool) funds, we would like to assume that the money is used to make right the wrongs. To fix this problem that leaves us on the verge of a calamity. Instead, like a bum that takes your $5 to buy a bottle of booze instead of the sandwich they said they would buy, the banks are making relatively few changes. Sure, they're making it harder for us to borrow that money we gave them, but they are also sure to honor bond insurance claims on questionable funds that have already been bailed out.

Now they've found a new way to spend our money for us: Lawsuits! Somebody has got to be blamed for the financial meltdown and by God, we're going to use our lawyers to find out who it was. Ambac is suing JP Morgan. MBIA is suing Merrill Lynch. The shareholders at Citi Group ARE SUING THEIR OWN MANAGEMENT TEAM! (Apparently, those who bought into Citi within the last handful of years think they overpaid for their [obviously] worthless stocks and should be reimbursed by someone... Did NO ONE understand the word risk? Don't people know that if you invest in a company on the stock market, there is no guarantee of success? You could lose everything. And if that happens, no one is supposed to come along and give you your lost money back?)

At any rate. A significant portion of our bailout funds is now funding a giant mass of lawyers to sue each other. We'll be paying the prosecutors, defenders, court costs, awards, and settlements with the mountains of bailout funs we've given them to play with.

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Fashion Police Strike Again

While there are a LOT of people out there that shouldn't wear short shorts, it is my opinion that no one should go to jail for wearing them...

However, a judge in Kentucky wouldn't see it my way as she sentenced a woman to 3 days in jail (My Cousin Vinny style) for wearing short shorts (Far from Daisy Dukes) to her hearing.

Don't get me wrong, she's no prize: She had been warned about her wardrobe before and she was in there for something like drunk driving into a grave stone.
However, jail? For 3 days? Your tax dollars at work!

THIS is whykentuckianspaytaxes.

watch the story: wkyt

Save us from Bono

The FCC, The Supreme Court, and a few Inferior Courts have all banded together to save us from the evil which goes by the name of Bono. Thank heavens!

Yes, back in 2003, Bono had the audacity to be really fucking excited to receive a Golden Globe award and he let the world know about it when he got on stage. Immediately, a variety of conservative value people decided that since they were unable to not watch the GG awards show, the network airing the show should be penalized. So they started writing letters to anyone who might read them. The FCC took the time to read these letters and decided to write up a brand spanking new rule about 'fleeting expletives'. They were sure to keep it vague and unwieldy in order to be able to apply it to any situation, such as the FCC falling behind on its mortgage and needing a little extra nut this month.
Fox wondered, via the court system, whether or not their freedom of speech really existed. The court decided that it wondered the same thing. Eventually, it got to the Supreme Court, who today decided that yes, indeed there is no freedom of speech when said speech begins with an f and ends in a k. (Is ANYone surprised that Scalia spoke on behalf of the majority opinion? The same judge who, while on the bench, said that dirty jokes are cool as long as they are really good.)

Luckily for Sony, no one fined the television manufacturers for having the cojones to allow such dirty words spoken via their technology.

Now, I'll agree that the world should probably be protected from Bono... But I certainly don't think this was what I had in mind.

Using the Supreme Court to protect my virgin ears...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

read more: US TV swearing policy 'correct'(bbc)

Prosecutorial Incompetence

All charges against Alaska's favorite Senator, Ted "Why don't you ask my wife about that" Stevens have been dropped. Turns out, the team on the job from Bush's DOJ dropped the ball, time and again, blatantly. Almost seems as though they tried it. (technically, they didn't try it, but...)

Stevens roams free after decades of trading government contracts for personal favors and now we're paying for a big ol' investigation into the DOJ's incompetence...

This is whyipaytaxes.

On a side note, I sat with a friend this evening who is experiencing the frustration of a prosecutor unable to do his job. I won't go into the whole story and obviously leave out some key details, but...
Basically, this guy got busted on his third DUI 2 years ago. He demanded a jury trial, as is his right, and court date after court date has gone by. Today was to be the Big One, the jury was called and all. But the trial got delayed yet again because the prosecution was unprepared. They still had a few affairs to get in order.
1.) Had HE been the one unprepared, they would have thrown him in jail.
2.) While awaiting trial, he is being forced to submit to regular urine tests, twice weekly. This will not credit him as any sort of probation served.
3.) They called out the jury for that? Man, those must've been some pissed off jury members...

Imagine living your life knowing that on a special date in three months you might go straight to jail. On that special date, they say, well, maybe on this new special date, in three months.

Bribing Judges

Ok... Bribing a judge to get your son's rape charges dropped or your wife's dui thrown out is one thing. Its a bitch knowing that sort of thing is only for the rich and happens on a regular basis, but at least its a onsey twosey bribe the judge, save MY ass thing. Unfair but rare(ish.)

But for the prison to bribe the judge to go ahead and fill 'er up to capacity is downright fucked up. In Pennsylvania, they found 2 judges that accepted $2.6 MILLION in bribes from a couple of local juvenile detention facilities. In exchange for this cash, the judges simply turned their court into a scene from Pink Floyd's The Wall. In some cases the children had approximately 2 minutes in court; just enough time to send him to the highest bidder. One kid spent 3 days in a detention center and 4 months in a 'wilderness camp' because a cop accused him of acting as a lookout while his friend stole games from a Walmart. Kid didn't even do nothing wrong, he just chose the wrong day to hang out with that friend.

Just another day at the Wilkes-Barre Juvie Court!

Technically, not only did taxpayers pay to imprison their children with disregard for the rule of law, but the money was also a part of the profits that enabled the $2.6 MILLION in bribes... (and how about the judges salaries and expense accounts?)

Pa. judges accused of jailing kids for cash(y!)

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Bernie 'You Can Trust Me' Madoff

Madoff sends valuables to family(bbc)

Here's my working assumption on why this qualifies as a waste of taxpayer money:
There is a very vocal minority of people around the globe that seem to think that the US Government should have to reimburse Madoff's flock for his treachery. While this sounds ridiculous to you, it is only because you weren't foolish enough to become a member of the flock by investing your hard earned money with a scam artist. (artiste)
Apparently due diligence isn't something you should do before making your own decisions, good lord no, its something the government is supposed to do for you! (I'll put it to you this way: If I go out on a crime spree tonight, and start mugging little old ladies for their purses, is our government responsible to pay each lady I knock over? After all, the government should have known I was a risk!)
It is this very premise (The SEC should have caught him!) that is used to argue that our federal government should pay off the sheep that flocked to Madoff's promises of free money 'Just Because I'll Allow It.' Even those members of this flock that pay no taxes and have never even been to this country. Yes, our government is expected to keep the world safe from predators within our borders.
Ah, but I digress. Thats my overall view of the Madoff scandal, this post is meant to make fun of a very specific portion of my government wasting my money. In a wise attempt to get rid of his valuables before the fed freezes his assets, (well, they've already been frozen, but apparently Madoff doesn't realize what assets are, or what it means when the government freezes them) Madoff is sending out all the stuff in his home to his family and friends. Some of the packages he's sent out since being put under 'house arrest' was valued at over a MILLION bucks.

I take it House Arrest means tether only? Because there must not be anyone watching his house if no one wondered why the UPS truck comes by for a pick up every day...
If I do get caught mugging little old ladies tonight, do you suppose I could get house arrest? That sounds kinda bad ass.

Silver lining: It was members of Bernie's own family that turned him in. They got the million dollar package and called up the government to inquire as to whether or not anyone in the government was willing to pull his or her head out of his or her ass.

Technically, since this guy does not have the assets to cover what he has lost, it could probably be reasoned that we even paid for the postage...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Nonprofit. For profit!

Houston woman who exposed scam still waits for repairs(hc)
Why does it seem that some of the best examples of government waste come from Texas?

This one is not even a surprise. The government comes up with a plan to help people repair their homes after hurricanes and whatnot. As in any situation where the government is giving out money to help the taxpayers, it goes through a series of shady groups and organizations who are generous enough to spend some time skimming cash off the top.

This time they did it by quoting the price of 2 roofs on one house, 500 feet of sewer main to get 50 feet, etc. etc. After getting paid for the quote, they (poorly) installed the 1 roof, the 50 feet of main, etc. etc. As it turns out, over half of the jobs quoted were quoted for the exact maximum allowable under the plan. There are several other pretty obvious indications of swindling going on.

The government and its various investigative arms still can't figure out where the missing money went, who got a little richer on taxpayers behalf. The FBI claims to still be investigating, but had no comment. The city of Houston decided that the best way to handle this situation was to not pursue the investigation at all and to just give a bunch of cash back to the Fed. They stated that it is better to invest the money into fixing the repairs of the shoddy workmanship than it is to spend money investigating the crimes. I imagine someone in the government had a specific reason for being concerned about having an investigation into the scheme. Wouldn't want that probe to lead back to him or her...

In fact, if it wasn't for the hero of the story, Marsha Farmer, the government would have kept on giving away your hard earned dollars. She's the one that had the 2 roofs quoted. Because she had the audacity to try to get the government to look into it, she still hasn't had her house repaired 8 years later.

Read the article for more details. Its pretty run of the mill scam the system stuff. You know, so long as you're a contractor with connections in the government.

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Because Judges have nothing better to do

Check this one out. Kinda blows your mind.

A District Judges daughter in Houston Texas rammed into the back end of a delivery truck while she was at least 3 sheets to the wind. (Blood alcohol content over THREE times the legal limit on 2 separate tests (she was a judges daughter, the cops were smart enough to test twice))
In the accident she killed her boyfriend and smashed up mommy's Lexus.

Get this: She got 4 months in jail and a bunch of probation. Not bad being a judges daughter in Texas, no? 4 months for manslaughter. I'll bet not a lot of Texans enjoy that kind of leniency.

But that isn't even why I'm sharing this story with you, oh no.
Now, SHE IS SUING THE TRUCK DRIVER!!!
She wants $20k for the destruction of the Lexus and whatever the judge or jury might give her for mental anguish.
Not only is she helping to clog up the court system in Texas, she's doing it in grand style. She has listed 16 defendents, including insurance companies and banks. Because, you know, I'm sure the bank has a lot to say about the accident. Basically, they've called all the defendants they could to see if anything will get her her way. Because, she is quite obviously getting her way.

I hope daddy puts a breathalyzer ignition in the new Lexus he buys her. I wouldn't want her killing and suing anyone else.

Judge's daughter sues driver she ran into during crash(hc)

Job security for the court system...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

ADDENDUM
While I was hoping the father was embarassed of his off the hook and ridiculously spoiled daughter, I've been proven wrong. (after all, how else would she be so spoiled?)
Her blood alcohol content tests was 26 and 28 percent.
He's in the court room acting all a fool on behalf of his daughter. They've gotten expert witnesses on their side, they accused the man that helped the daughter out of the accident of being an illegal alien, they're doing their best to make this a 3 ring circus. The mother cries of the inhumane way the cops arrested her. They went and STOLE THE BLACK BOX from the Lexus before it could be used in court.
Defense expert says deadly crash was unavoidable(fr)
The father has said: the intoxication of his daughter at the scene of the accident makes no difference. He also said that no one is above the law. Well, except for his daughter.

If you read just one article about this fucked up case READ THIS ARTICLE HERE: (its by a blogging lawyer in Texas and is very well written and sums it all up nice and neat)
Frivolous Conflicted Representation. Where Else but Harris County?(dp)

This lawyer points out: If the estate of the dead guy wanted to sue someone for the death, they have an open and shut case against the daughter that has been convicted of his murder. Instead, they join forces with the daughter to sue the truck driver.

The lawyer pursuing the case: On 3 separate occasions he's been suspended from practicing law and has been publicly reprimanded twice. He currently represents the family of the dead guy AND the girl convicted of killing him, at the same time.
He was also appointed to his judge job by the father of the girl that began the whole thing by drinking and driving.

Did I tell you the one about the judge that walked into a brothel?

Ok... This one is a bit of a stretch, but... ...
I'd like to take a moment to complain about the fact that I pay Justice Antonin "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!" Scalia a salary. (Anthony? Antonio?) Now there are a great many reasons I might complain of this and this one is far from the worst of them. Hell, this is one of the few times I agree with him...

Scalia, during a hearing considering whether or not 'fleeting expletives' are OK on radio and TV, has made a wise and definitive decision that will forever be hailed as fair and objective for generations to come when he says:
"Bawdy jokes are OK if they're really good."
No can of worms there, just some good solid Justicing.

I won't even go into the cash we dumped on a hearing full of judges and lawyers from the FCC and the Justice Department getting together to argue with each other about whether or not the American people can handle hearing an occasional 7 Deadly: shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker and tits. (Thanks for embedding those into my head George, R.I.P.) They were also sure to take a few minutes discussing Janet Jackson's nipple. I'll bet a couple of Beavis and Butthead style giggles could be heard immediately following the word nipple.

Unrelated other than by this segue: Another salary I'm proud to have paid is that of Mark "Turn the Page" Foley has announced that he is "Trying to find [his] way back." Thank god... We have a whole new batch of pages that haven't been sexually harrassed by Congress yet.

Paying the salaries of morons...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.