Snails pace

In order to save a mess of rare snails from a new coal mining site in New Zealand, the Department of Conservation decided to step in and get the killing off of these creatures done more efficiently.

And you thought they were going to try to save them...

They went around the site of the future coal mine and gathered up over 6,000 snails and moved them to climate controlled rooms where they went to work getting the little buggers to breed. (Mood lighting, Barry White and plenty of chocolate seemed to do the trick)

Unfortunately, the room that contained the 'Powelliphanta giant land snails' had a technical glitch and all 800 snails were frozen solid.

No wonder they're rare...

THIS is whyNEWZEALANDERSpaytaxes.
read more: Mishap freezes to death 800 rare New Zealand snails(bbc)

I'm glad mommy and daddy are safe in their government storage facility. Yay!

Alligators in Missouri

Another example of a wonderful bit of police work.

The Independence, Missouri police department got a call reporting a 'gator sighting near a tree by a pond. Being sure to do their due diligence, the police called the local conservation officer to determine how best to dispatch the foul beast before it starts eating children. With solid advice from the conservation officer, they knew upon arrival on the scene that shooting this monster in the head is the only way to save the townsfolk from their certain demise.

Since the due dilligence part of the case was behind them, three officers (in case the first two were overcome by the angry reptile) got to the scene, pulled out their rifles and just started shooting.

You and I might wonder why this alligator hadn't moved since the report was phoned in, some calls were made, and the police reported to the scene. You and I might have looked down the scope of the rifle to see that this stoic troglodyte isn't moving even a bit. You and I might have even wondered why this particular lizard wasn't green like the ones we've seen on Animal Planet.

But it wasn't until the second bullet bounced off the evil creature's head before they realized this concrete lawn ornament was not a threat to anyone but their imaginations. As it turns out, the property owner bought the statue to keep kids off his property. I bet it worked on the kids.

Too bad it didn't work on the cops...

THIS is whyMISSOURIANSpaytaxes.
read more:Independence Police Shoot Alligator Lawn Ornament(kmbc)

Bird droppings

Over a thousand black birds dropped out of the sky on New Year's Eve in Arkansas. It wasn't particularly wide spread, pretty much all came from the same flock. It can logically be explained by a number of things, but it really does make you wonder.

But why wonder, when you can have the Arkansas Fish and Game Commission investigate?
About 65 birds were sent off to the lab for further testing.
I imagine this is going to run a bit more than routine blood work.

Oh, and the city of Beebe hired a specialist waste-disposal firm to collect and dispose of the dead birds from gardens and rooftops. Can't just leave the little bastards lying around...

As is often the case, this is arguably a service well worth the tax dollars. I just hope its a competent investigation with transparent results.

THIS is whyarkansasianspaytaxes.

read more: More than 1,000 blackbirds fall out of Arkansas sky(bbc)

Monkey v. Smaller Monkey

In preparation for the Commonwealth Games, the Delhi officials in charge decided not to prepare.
Check out this slide show of the Athlete's Village a week before the athlete's are supposed to move in... Inside the athlete's village

One place they are well prepared for is monkey control. They're going to control the monkey problem by bringing in bigger monkeys. Black-faced langur monkeys to be exact.

Keep him busy while I get his wallet.

For the safety of everyone involved, they will keep these angry monkeys on a rope. The smaller monkeys that overrun dehli won't come near them, thus leaving the tourists alone. Its good to see these langurs finally getting back to work as productive members of society.

Preparation for Commonwealth Games...

THIS is whyindianspaytaxes.

read more: Delhi ropes in monkeys for Commonwealth Games security(bbc)
more fun: Monkeying Around(wipt)

Roadkill revival

Today's Everyday Hero comes from Brookville, Pennsylvania, near Punxsutawney. It was in this area that Donald "Raisin' the Dead" Wolfe tried to save a poor helpless animal deciding mouth to mouth resuscitation was the only way to save a possum that had been roadkill for days. I'm not sure if the mouth to mouth was before or after he held a one man seance to bring the poor rotting critter back to life, but he certainly tried everything he could.

Of course, you can't just leave dumb ass drunks making out with dead animals hang out by a highway and the police had to get involved. Rather than do whatever it is the police do in the Punxsutawney area on an average Thursday night, they spent this one arresting Don, gathering eye witness reports and talking to the media. Thankfully, I'm sure Donnie will also get his day in court. Because, you know, they didn't have anything better to do either...

THIS is whyPENNSYLVANIANSpaytaxes.

Read more: Police: Drunk Pa. man tried to revive dead opossum(ap)

Alaska v The Environment

You'll remember Bush's bittersweet move to simultaneously point out that even though polar bears are a threatened species because they are losing their natural habitat to global warming there is nothing can be done to save them because no one can sue the mega polluters to deal with the problem. Good times...

Since then, the State of Alaska has been suing to strip the polar bears of their protected status. I'm not sure what their logic is, but apparently having the bears as a protected species is a matter of State interest that deserves a significant amount of its attorneys' attention.

But that is not why I am writing. As it turns out, environmentalists have been more successful at eliminating the special 'no one's fault' rule than Alaska has been at eliminating the threatened species status of the bears. Soon a judge will be making the ruling and it appears that the unique protection against lawsuits will be eliminated and this pisses Alaska off.

So, last month, the State of Alaska approved $1.5 MILLION to develop a campaign to gain broad support from the rest of the country to let the bears perish unchecked.

It must be nice to be the most federally supported state in the Union because it leaves a lot of money lying around to fight the federal government!

THIS is whyALASKANSpaytaxes.

Somethings fishy here

And it ain't just Antoine Goetschel's clients.

Seriously. The guy defended a dead Pike in court. And dogs, cats, guinea pigs, cows, horses and sheep. (I don't suspect the sheep was involved in a rape case, but I have no evidence either way...)

No big deal, right? Some hippy lawyer has decided to enjoy his wealth by taking on animal cruelty cases pro bono, right? Sure, he's clogging Switzerland's court system with cases that ought to be handled in other ways, but at least he's not government funded, right?

The hell you say.

Nope. Funded entirely by the government, this guy sued a fisherman because it was reported that the fisherman took 10 minutes to bring the fish in and kill it. To no one's surprise, he had his ass handed to him on this case. However, not only is he wasting a shit ton of a citizens and several government employees time with this nonsense, but he is taking a salary and a pension for this nonsense too. Not to count the allowance he surely has for staffing his office.

And this is all brought up because he thinks that he can't work alone. Oh no. He thinks the Swiss need a fucking mountain of these guys. Sort of a new D.A.s office. Eventually, they'll probably be bringing about involuntary manslaughter charges against everyone who hits a deer with their car. You better hope the deer is resuscitated or you're spending time behind bars.

I'll bet the Swiss even paid for a public defendant for the fisherman.

Just think... A story about overpaid and under worked lawyers milking the system for all its worth that didn't originate in the U.S. Yay!

THIS is whytheSWISSpaytaxes

read more: Swiss ask whether animals need lawyers (bbc)

Fish Kill before the fish get killed

One of my biggest pet peeves is when the government sues itself. In this particular situation, it is two different governments, but we're pretty much supposed to be on the same side.

Michigan is going to sue Illinois to demand closure of the Chicago locks until the Asian Carp problem is cleared up in Illinois' waterways.

First off, they have a valid point. Everything that can be done should be done to prevent the asian carp problem, even if it costs industry big money. While Illinois has spent plenty of money on trying to contain the problem, including a fish kill last night and a high tech system that was supposed to shock the fish into turning back, the problem is real.

And of course we all know that Illinois lacks the political will to do something Chicago doesn't want to do.

But do we really have to pay a bunch of lawyers to figure it out for us? Shouldn't we instead spend the same amount of money and bring the two states' Departments of Natural Resources together? Maybe get some federal employees besides judges involved?

A quote from the article below:
A spokesperson for the Illinois Department of Natural Resources says they are aware of the potential legal action but will "let the lawyers sort it out."

Great! The DNR says, fuck it. We give up.

Are we really so incompetent as a society? Are we going to let the natural ecosystems of the largest freshwater lakes on the planet be destroyed? Because an invasive species of carp was imported to eat algae out of the Gulf of Mexico?
You're serious. To solve the problem we're going to let lawyers get rich off the government while dragging out the case for as many billable hours as possible? While various agencies that ought to take charge of the situation play a game of 'Not It'?

And people wonder why I have little faith in humanity...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

read more: Michigan Considering Lawsuit Against Illinois Over Asian Carp Spread(wkzo)

What tigers?

Ahhh, yes... When good fish & wildlife projects go bad...

A tiger park in central India had 24 tigers in it 3 years ago. The park was established to help prevent the extinction of Royal Bengal Tigers.

After having a wildlife census performed, they have found out that today, they have no tigers in it.

Of course, poachers are to blame for the losses, but... ... If it is your job as a government agency to protect 24 animals, ... ... *sigh*

THIS is whyindianspaytaxes.