This Guy

A part of why people in the mid 1950's paid taxes was to deal with this guy:

Thanks dude...

THIS is whymyfatherpaidtaxes.

Pissin' match

This is one of those things that really drives me nuts when you look at it from a whole of humanity perspective...

By around the year 2020 or so, we, as a species, will have 5 completely separate but redundant satellite systems to facilitate navigation and global positioning. Of course, you are familiar with our system called GPS. Each of these systems will cover the entire globe, costs hundreds of BILLIONS of dollars to implement and require dozens of satellites that will consume valuable natural resources and human capital.

We have not decided to dedicate these redundant resources to feeding the hungry, curing incurable diseases, or exploring our options as the Earth will eventually become completely uninhabitable (whether by our hand, or by the demise of our sun).

Rather, we have decided it is more important to have complete control over where our missiles land without fear of foreign intervention in time of war.

Congratulations, humans, on choosing once again petty differences and a profound mistrust of each other over coming together to improve people's lives...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

read more:China GPS rival Beidou starts offering navigation data(bbc)

At the next sign of logic, turn left

BONUS SCIENCE-RELATED POST

The first man made object ever to leave the influence of our solar system is just about there... Fun!

read more:Voyager 1 Speeds Toward The Brink Of Interstellar Space(npr)

Coffee, enemas and long distance prayer

Repost to share about the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine, a mostly unheard of branch of the National Institutes of Health:

Coffee Enemas, Aromatherapy, and Intercessory Prayer: Your Tax Dollars At Work

Their source:Federal center pays good money for suspect medicine(CT)

I don't know about you, but I think it is terrific that we've spent taxpayer dollars ($660,000(!)) on investigating whether or not long distance prayer can heal AIDS abroad. Its not like we're supposed to avoid using state money to further the cause of religions or anything crazy like that...

I do suppose the coffee enemas are understandable when you consider just how full of shit this particular branch of the government is...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Case closed

Man... Saudi Arabia must save a TON of cash with the wit and efficiency their police force use to serve and protect.

I mean, just take a look at this case:
A 40 year old woman stumbles into a hospital with severe burns and injuries. The doctors tried in vain, but were unable to save her life.

Well, fuck me. There must be some foul play afoot, no?

Well, apparently, "The woman beat herself up and tortured herself with fire," exclaimed police spokesman Colonel Abdullah "No Stone Unturned" Al Sarani. "We closed the case, as no criminal act is involved."

Nicely done officers! Any guesses as to why a woman would beat herself up and torture herself with fire?

The good colonel was glad to be asked, as this open and shut baby tells itself: "Because, she is gripped by jinn." As further evidence, our "Investigation showed the other members of her family are also controlled by jinn."

Fantastic. So, to make sure I understand this, you're saying "Genies! Case closed!" and scurrying away?

That is some beautiful police work.

THIS is whysaudiarabianspaytaxes.
read more: ‘Haunted’ Saudi woman tortures herself to death(e247)

STOP! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

Tax exempt

If churches were treated like the business entities they are and had to pay a fair share, the US economy would have an additional $100 BILLION annually in property taxes alone!

Subsidizing for-profit organizations...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.
read more:How We All Pay For the Huge Tax Privileges Granted to Religion – It’s Time to Tax the Church(n4cm)

Jesus would have wanted us to have this lobby

Still witch huntin' in 2011

The witch problem we humans contend with first came to prominence in the dark ages. By the time the Salem Witch Trials came about, we thought we had eradicated the threat altogether. However, as it turns out, we were wrong and still have a witch problem in the world.

Thankfully, our friends in Saudi Arabia have not rested on their laurels while the rest of the complacent world goes on about its business as though sorcery and magic spells don't exist.

Earlier today, Saudi Arabia executed Amina bint Abdul Halim bin Salem Nasser by way of beheading under the charge of practicing "witchcraft and sorcery." Surprisingly, no further details were provided in regards to the charges against her.

That's some good investigatin', judgin', and executin'!

THIS is whysaudiarabianspaytaxes.
Read more: Saudi woman executed for 'witchcraft and sorcery'(bbc)

World War II - Taxes then, taxes now

About 600 metric tons of unexploded ordnance dropped in Germany during World War II is still being found each year!

Most recently they found and diffused two bombs, one from the UK and one from the US, in the riverbed of the Rhine as the water levels continue to fall.

Precautions taken while diffusing the bombs include:

• Around 20,000 people evacuated (including hospitals, nursing homes and a prison)
• Shelters set up with 12,000 beds
• A fleet of 500 emergency response vehicles were standing by
• Sandbags and pump re-routing of the Rhine to provide a dry workspace
• Roads and rails in the area were closed
  
• Of course there is the munitions team that diffused the bombs

We paid for the duds in the '40s, they're paying for them now...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.
read more:WWII bomb in Rhine near Koblenz successfully defused(bbc)

Checks balanced

I'm having a hard time playing optimistic after that last post, but I caught a good story today too...

In spite of Citigroup's success in exchanging re-election donations for feigned ignorance at the executive branch, the judicial put a bitta smackdown on their asses today.

The SEC, who is appointed by representatives of the people to keep the stock market humming along for the good of the people made a deal with Citigroup. This deal was to close the books on their part in a massive toxic mortgage scam. The deal looks like this:
Citigroup sold $1 BILLION in bunk mortgages to its customers. Knowing they were bunk and unlikely to be re-paid, Citi bet against them.

The investors lost $700 MILLION.

Citi earned $160 MILLION. (Good to be 'in' on it!)

In exchange for this blatant disregard of both ethics and rules, the SEC was going to charge Citi with negligence and fine them $285 MILLION.

Negligence... Well, I guess they should've tried harder to not screw their own customers over.

Luckily, this plea deal from the Executive had to be checked over by the Judicial. And, apparently, Citi was unable to bri*ahem* lobby Federal Judge Jed "Not on My Watch" Rakoff into seeing this as a fair and reasonable punishment for a billion dollar scandal.

(Think maybe the fine was fair? Let me take a shot at illustrating this. When a man is arrested with a kilo of heroin, they don't just take 250 grams of it and tell him he is a *bad* man, that he should have a nice day, and if he is ever in need of a job he's always welcome at the station. No. They take ALL the heroin, everything the guy owns and throws him in jail for at least a significant portion of his life.)

Judge Rakoff decided he thought maybe a closer look was necessary. He said:
"The court concludes, regretfully, that the proposed Consent Judgment is neither fair, nor reasonable, nor adequate, nor in the public interest"
"Although this [settlement] would appear to be tantamount to an allegation of knowing and fraudulent intent... the SEC, for reasons of its own, chose to charge Citigroup only with negligence"

Now THAT is some good solid judgin'...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.
read more:Citigroup-SEC $285m toxic mortgage deal rejected(bbc)

Of the people, but not for the people

This is it, folks... We've lost control of our government.

You guys will remember this little thing we liked to call the TARP, right? Everybody got their britches in a bundle over the "unprecedented" amount of $700 BILLION to be loaned to Wall Street to ostensibly avoid worldwide economic collapse.. Nobody liked it, but at that time, Bush was the lamest of ducks with at least one foot out the door and something [supposedly] HAD to be done.

That the economy eventually collapsed in every realistic and measurable way is irrelevant, but I certainly had to bring it up.

Notice my use of the quotes around "unprecedented" in the paragraph above. I use these quotes because there was plenty of precedence. In fact, the very same banks we bailed out were already into us for a LOT more than $700 BILLION at that time!

Prior to the TARP, the Fed had already made loans to the banks at a total cost that amounted to $7.77 TRILLION! In your face, puny little $700 BILLION.

Bullet points. Too frustrated to make paragraphs:

Magnitude

• $7.7 TRILLION is more than half the value of everything our country produced that year
• Our 6 largest banks turned their share into $13 BILLION in profit
• Morgan Stanley alone borrowed enough ($107 BILLION) to pay off a tenth of nation's delinquent mortgages
• Bank of America took $91.4 BILLION of these secret loans while simultaneously taking $45 BILLION from the TARP funds
• Banks that were declared too big to fail grew even larger
  
• Our largest banks enjoyed more profits in the last 2.5 years than they did in the 8 years preceding the crisis
• All the while, they continue to spend MILLIONS lobbying to derail or weaken laws designed to keep them in check
  

Transparency

• The loans to the banks were undisclosed
  
• The profits earned by the banks were undisclosed
• Shareholders, the "owners" of the banks were not told (Where did the profits go?!?)
  
• Taxpayers, the people that have given the authority to the Fed to watch over our money were not told
• Congress, which was actively writing an overhaul to our financial regulatory system was not told
• These loans were provided with no protections or guarantees for the taxpayers
  

THEY LOANED OUR MONEY VALUED AT MORE THAN HALF OF EVERYTHING OUR COUNTRY CAN MAKE IN A YEAR TO PRIVATE COMPANIES WITHOUT EVER TELLING ANYONE! The Fed knew, the Bank Managers knew. Not even the owners of the banks knew!

THIS is whyipaytaxes.
read more:Wall Street Banks Earned Billions In Profits Off $7.7 Trillion In Secret Fed Loans Made During The Financial Crisis(tp)

Seasonings Greetings!

Aside from the police investigation and eventual court cases, this thought has little to do with whyipaytaxes.

However, I just had to remark on the increased use of Pepper Spray this Black Friday.

• At Wal-Mart in Porter Ranch: 'Mom, I was just pepper-sprayed'(LAT)

• Off-Duty Officer Pepper Sprays Unruly Shoppers at N.C. Walmart(mfp)

Tis the season...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

If this committee was 'Super', we're screwed

Bad news:

The congressional *ahem* "Super" Committee was unable to do as they were told and will not be proposing any suggestions regarding deficit reduction aside from the following advice:

Somebody should throw together some kind of a committee to figure this shit out!

Good news:

It was no one's fault! Feel free to vote for incumbents next year, because not one of the 12 people on the committee failed in their task. As it turns out, it was the other side that failed. Awesome!

Assembling a committee of professional politicians to solve a perpetual national crisis with a result of finger pointing and bullshit posturing...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Sarcasm-free TL;DR summary: Super committee convenes with only the advice that this problem should be dealt with, not ignored for future generations to fix and the Republicans blame the impasse on the Democrats who blame the impasse on the Republicans.

Some more good, solid legislatin'

If there is one thing you can count on our congress to do, it is some good solid legislatin' for the good of the people when we need it most... If you doubt me, I have a prime example from this past week.

In a congress where budgets cannot be balanced and the worldwide embarrassment of ignoring self imposed deadlines and slipping credit ratings cannot be avoided, a very important piece of legislation got passed this week:
Pizza is a vegetable. No vegetable toppings needed, the tomato paste counts as a vegetable for our school children. To be fair, they also agreed to keeping french fries on the menu and to delay a requirement to provide a minimum amount of whole grains in school meals, so they really are getting quite a bit done here.

I like to feel this pride in my government. I'm positively beaming and smitten with our fine congresspeople. But to be honest, this quality legislatin' didn't write itself. Oh, no. It was requested by the companies that provide pizza and french fries to schools. And without batting an eye, our congress came together in a moment of true harmony to put the hopes and dreams [prof-it mahr-jin] of these companies ahead of the health and well being of our nation's children.
(I realize that this 'change' is to avoid changing the rules from what has served us so well over the past decades. Wait... Did someone say something about an obesity epidemic?)

So remember fellow countrymen and women, if you want your children to grow up with strong bones and superior health - pizza with every meal! ...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Watch Jon Stewart put it into perspective: Superbad(tds)
My 2 favorite lines in his clip:
"Clearly you are in the pocket of Big Hot Pocket"
"It's not democracy, it's digiorno"

TO BE FAIR: It appears to be some kind of a superpower thing: The Russians recently did some of their own solid legislatin' and decided that beer isn't food.

Its been a good few weeks!: In money we trust(wipt)

Our support of major utility companies

Just an interesting graph to share...

Not only are these 13 fabulous companies NOT paying a dime in taxes, but they are actually receiving our tax dollars to support their operations.

I suppose... With only $4.8 billion in profits, they need our tax money more than the schools do...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.
Read more: You’re paying taxes, so why aren’t energy companies?(reuters)

Snails pace

In order to save a mess of rare snails from a new coal mining site in New Zealand, the Department of Conservation decided to step in and get the killing off of these creatures done more efficiently.

And you thought they were going to try to save them...

They went around the site of the future coal mine and gathered up over 6,000 snails and moved them to climate controlled rooms where they went to work getting the little buggers to breed. (Mood lighting, Barry White and plenty of chocolate seemed to do the trick)

Unfortunately, the room that contained the 'Powelliphanta giant land snails' had a technical glitch and all 800 snails were frozen solid.

No wonder they're rare...

THIS is whyNEWZEALANDERSpaytaxes.
read more: Mishap freezes to death 800 rare New Zealand snails(bbc)

I'm glad mommy and daddy are safe in their government storage facility. Yay!

In money we trust

As you may or may not have heard, there is some shit going down out there. If I am to understand things correctly, there are massive protests in many of the cities in America, our national deficit is surpassing numbers that were beyond wildest imaginations just a few decades ago, Europe is on the brink of economic catastrophe, we're still embroiled in at least one war right now, a minimum of 9% of our eligible work force can't find work, the Palestinians and Israeli's are still angry with each other, and I hear there are some untrustworthy motherfucker's out their with all sorts of guns, bombs and even a few working on nuclear weapons. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that there are many other things that could really use the full attention of the United States Government right about now.

But, no. OH no.

Our congress (approval rating = 9%) has got FAR more important shit to deal with here. After all, how can our country function if we don't take a time out to RE-AFFIRM our National MOTTO???

Yes, sadly, today, on the floor of the House, they brought up a motion, debated, and passed the reaffirmation of our national motto that was written in 1956: In God We Trust.

This was followed, nearly immediately, by a motion to mint coins to recognize the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

Well, I sure am glad we cleared THAT up...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Watch the video: Men Not At Work(tds)

It ain't tricklin' down folks!

According to the Congressional Budget Office, since 1979:
After-tax income increased by 275% for the wealthiest 1% of Americans
After-tax income increased by 18% for the poorest 20%

in 2005-2007, right before the Great Recession, the top 20% of the population earned more after-tax income than the entire bottom 80%...

The obvious case that some will make in light of these statistics is that they deserve it. They work harder, they make the right decisions.
Am I to believe that I am that much lazier and that much more ignorant?It feels like I work really hard every day; I'm certainly very tired at the end of a day...
I certainly don't see a 275% increase in my after-tax income ANYtime soon.

Maybe the wealth isn't trickling back down after all...

Don't get me wrong... I don't feel entitled to an increase in my income. If you think about it on a world wide scale, I live a pretty fantastic life full of wonderful toys and comforts beyond the wildest dreams of billions of people.

What drives me nuts is that a vast amount of the 'wealth' in this country has been pooled among 1% of Americans and they have turned our elections into a war of campaign donations while appointing themselves to positions of power so they can use tax payer's money to 'bail' each other 'out.'

They've even stopped paying a reasonable amount of taxes. Again, don't get me wrong, I'm a staunch opponent of high taxes for everyone and loathe big governments.

Alas, we all have to pay our share of taxes to keep the system going. It wasn't until GE paid absolutely $0 (ZERO) in taxes on $5.1 BILLION in profits in 2010 that I realized maybe, just maybe, not everyone was paying their share of taxes.

The statistics from our own government:
http://www.cbo.gov/ftpdocs/124xx/doc12485/10-25-HouseholdIncome.pdf

Beauty we couldn't live without seeing again

Simon Says: "Fuck it. Tax 'em"

I ran into one of those stories that just twists my mind into a writhing heap of WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

I can tell that this was an incredibly expensive endeavor, but I have no idea how much of it was paid for by taxpayers. The work was done at Dundee University and I am assuming that this is a public university that is at least partially funded by taxes. If I am wrong and this story has no right being discussed in a blog about what our tax dollars are spent on, then I guess I'll make the karmic withdrawal. Either way, you can't tell me this money wouldn't have been more appreciated by starving children somewhere in Africa that could have used a school instead.

Adrienne 'Face Painter' Barker realized she was working on a completely useless skill set and was unable to unleash her talents on an unsuspecting business as an employee. So she undertook a project to re-create the face of an Archbishop that died in 1381. Apparently, this guy was a real pioneer in taxing peasants and had his ass handed to him during the Peasant's Revolt. By having his ass handed to him, I mean he was pulled from the Tower of London by an angry mob and had his head chopped off. (Which reminds me... Aren't we past due for another Peasant's Revolt?)

It was SO important to understand what the good Archbishop looked like that Adrienne wasn't going to just get some artists rendering done, oh no. Some excerpts of the process she undertook:
1.) used skeletal detail from the part-mummified skull to build up his facial features
2.) carry out an initial assessment of the skull to determine its age, sex and ancestry
3.) then made a series of 3D bronze resin casts of his head
4.) sculpted each muscle of the face and built this up on the cast
5.) adding a final layer which represents the skin

What drives me batty are a couple of key phrases in the story like her title of Forensic Artist. It comes down to two simple things: One, who cares and how is it important to be able to gaze upon the face of a fellow who died 630 years ago? Two, it is a model, a rendering, an interpretation - to use their term, a "reconstruction." Its not what the guy actually looked like. Period.

The bust will be on display in a church. I would hope, but doubt that it will remind the current Archbishop that he doesn't own the people just because that is how his bosses interpret their bibles.

And I exit with a quote from the artist herself:
"I hope people in Sudbury like what we've done but he's a strange looking fellow so it'll be interesting to see their reactions."

Indeed. I certainly hope they like it. And I really hope that you enjoy seeing their reactions. Otherwise, this will all have been very pointless...

THIS is whybritspaytaxes.
read more:Face of Simon of Sudbury revealed by forensic artist(bbc)

Catching up on fails you pay for

That is some mighty fine driving. Thanks boys...

Time AND Money. Nice!

Bodies on the bus go round and round

Only because my bus driver label tag is underutilized, I present to you the story of a bus driver who killed 15 of his passengers on a bright March day.

Emergency personnel, cops, DAs, Governor Quomo, the National Transportation Safety Board, a Grand Jury, Judge Villegas, and the prison warden and guards all get involved because Ophadell 'I got this' Williams "was not only aware of what precautions to take but made a series of conscious decisions not to take them."

The very least you expect from your bus driver is for him or her to not kill you...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.
read more: Driver in NY bus crash charged with deaths of 15 passengers(REU)

Spoiled brat

I often hear that kids these days have no work ethic and that everything has changed since 'I' was a kid. (Place any 35 + year old in place of 'I')

I think I have some evidence of this phenomenon.

An 11 year old boy in Germany was told by his mother to clean up after himself. While we shouldn't place too much stock in the overbearing mother's side of the story, she apparently told the child to pick some papers off the floor that he had discarded there.

This outrageous request bordering on child abuse is unacceptable. This kid was mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore. So he called the cops to report a case of forced labor. According to the police statement he claimed "I have to work all day long. I haven't any free time."

Luckily, the cops didn't over-react as they are often wont to do and this never absorbed any public servant's time beyond taking the call, talking to the mother, filing the report and answering calls from the media.

Taking calls from verwöhnte Kinder... (Google translate, don't fail me now!)

THIS is whyGERMANSpaytaxes.
read more:German boy, 11, calls police over housework(bbc)

Has anyone seen my experimental aircraft?

Wherever you go, there we are.

I'm not sure exactly how much I spent on it or what it was for, but I bought an experimental aircraft and the Department of Defense lost it.

I guess I'll just have to build another one... How else can I attack any target on the planet in under an hour?

I won't even mention the rocket fuel needed to launch this sweet ride...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.
read more:US military loses contact with hypersonic aircraft(bbc)

Cleanin up the streets

Your tax dollars at work Rockford!
Open wide, I think I see a little build up behind a molar.

The statue was built from donations, not taxpayer dollars. I would also assume the paint used by the vandal was not paid with taxpayer dollars, but that is far from guaranteed...

For the rest of the story, we see plenty of taxpayer dollars going to work.

1.) The statue, while commissioned from donations was placed, insured and is maintained by the parks department. (Yes, there is at least one rider in the city's insurance policy for this statue)
2.) The renaming of the park it stands in as further homage to the individual immortalized was taken care of by the parks department. (The individual immortalized is so honored for arranging fireworks displays and hanging christmas lights...)
3.) The city has a graffiti removal 'experts' team. This team is unable to fix this and had to call in an outside expert/vendor to analyze. This outside expert/vendor will also probably be the one to eventually clean it.
4.) The initial team of experts apparently wasn't called in until AFTER someone at the city was called in with a steamed water pressure washer. (shown above) Only then did they determine that the paint is automotive paint and ain't coming off without chemicals and sand blasters.
5.) The reason the government jumped into action prior to knowing what action was required is because there is a wedding this weekend in a nearby park. *gasp* We can't ruin the bride's special day booked in a public area by exposing her to what happens in public places!
6.) The tarp that will adorn this statue for the weekend also belongs to the parks department. At least it is a multi-use tarp and hopefully was not purchased just for this special occasion.

Nothing to see here, our city is pristine. Move along now.

7.) The police have been called in and are investigating. I imagine they have all their best men on the case.
8.) And a live report coming from a city employee downtown Rockford today reports seeing "the mayor, police chief, and about five cops surrounding the statue earlier today."

Vandalism riles up a city government real good...

THIS is whyrockfordianspaytaxes.
read more:Cleanup of Joe Marino statue in downtown Rockford is complicated(rrs)

Hops is food, no?

Now here is some top notch legislatin'

Russia now considers beer to be an alcoholic beverage.

Until now, it has been considered food.

Man... Those Russians... Always telling their citizens how to live their lives...

THIS is whyrussianspaytaxes.
read more: Russia classifies beer as alcoholic(bbc)

Alligators in Missouri

Another example of a wonderful bit of police work.

The Independence, Missouri police department got a call reporting a 'gator sighting near a tree by a pond. Being sure to do their due diligence, the police called the local conservation officer to determine how best to dispatch the foul beast before it starts eating children. With solid advice from the conservation officer, they knew upon arrival on the scene that shooting this monster in the head is the only way to save the townsfolk from their certain demise.

Since the due dilligence part of the case was behind them, three officers (in case the first two were overcome by the angry reptile) got to the scene, pulled out their rifles and just started shooting.

You and I might wonder why this alligator hadn't moved since the report was phoned in, some calls were made, and the police reported to the scene. You and I might have looked down the scope of the rifle to see that this stoic troglodyte isn't moving even a bit. You and I might have even wondered why this particular lizard wasn't green like the ones we've seen on Animal Planet.

But it wasn't until the second bullet bounced off the evil creature's head before they realized this concrete lawn ornament was not a threat to anyone but their imaginations. As it turns out, the property owner bought the statue to keep kids off his property. I bet it worked on the kids.

Too bad it didn't work on the cops...

THIS is whyMISSOURIANSpaytaxes.
read more:Independence Police Shoot Alligator Lawn Ornament(kmbc)

Morbid Security

You'll remember my post (yeah, right) about a trend in Japan of folks keeping the corpses of their parents around so they can forge and cash their social security checks. At the bottom of my post I mentioned that it won't be too long before this becomes a trend in the U.S. Well... The trend is certainly moving westward.

Hazel 'Don't forget the Glade' Maddock and her daughter Jasmine 'Just put a blanket over her' Maddock lived with Jasmine's grandmother Olive. When Olive passed away, they simply locked the bedroom door and Hazel told Jasmine that "the death should not be reported until the pension was secured."

After 6 months of not seeing a favorite neighbor, a local resident reported that something fishy was going on at the Maddock's. When an officer first gained entry to the home he immediately smelled a rancid odor and noticed that the house was infested with mice and swarms of flies. After using a crowbar on Olive's bedroom door, it was discovered that the body had already decomposed to a skeleton while lying on the bed.

Upon arrest, Hazel's response was "I'm no expert I didn't know if she was dead."

Pretty sure it doesn't take a doctor to realize that if you haven't seen a person come out of her room for 6 months and your house is filled with swarms of flies and the smell of decomposing flesh that maybe you ought to knock on the door and ask if everything is alright.

I guess I'm no expert either...

THIS is whyBRITSpaytaxes.
read more:Grandmother corpse: Benefit fraud daughter jailed(bbc)

Posessed dog case

Because a dog wandered into a rabbinical courthouse in Jerusalem, the judges just had to have a trial. After all, they couldn't get it to leave!

In the end, these judges ruled:
* The dog was a reincarnation of a lawyer who died 20 years ago.
* This dog is this lawyer because 20 years ago, the judges ruled that the lawyer's spirit would enter the body of a dog. This classic ruling was made because the lawyer insulted the judges.
(Imagine that, insulting *these* fine judges? No way!)
* They are certain of this because the dog wouldn't leave.
and... My favorite part of the ruling:
* That the dog should be stoned to death, by children. Fun for the whole family!

Good, solid, and quality judgin'...

THIS is whyisraelispaytaxes.

read more:Jerusalem rabbis 'condemn dog to death by stoning'(bbc)

Freedom of information isn't always free

The City Council of Leicester (UK) was forced to consider and admit that they are unprepared for a zombie attack. Because they don't have bigger problems to solve, a 'concerned citizen' filed a Freedom of Information request. As no such information was available, they instead had the head of Information Governance announce their lack of planning in regards to this fictitious threat.

I don't know about you, but I hope my city council is working on far more important things. On the plus side, this couldn't have taken up any more than 5 minutes of City Council time. And I hope the chuckle gained makes up for the few minutes lost...

THIS is whyleicesterianspaytaxes

read more: Leicester City Council 'not ready' for zombie attack(bbc)

Vetting presidential qualifications at every level of government

Lt Col Terrence 'More capable to judge than my entire command chain' Lakin refused his orders to deploy to Afghanistan. He refused his orders based on the popular hysterical conspiracy theory that Obama isn't eligible to be president. He stated that he would ONLY deploy once Obama's original birth certificate was released and verified.

I guess that this guy is able to spot a faker better than each and everyone of his superior officers, including the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the Secretary of Defense himself. Screw the state of Hawaii for producing a certified birth certificate and whatever federal government group responsible for vetting the applications for being put on the ballot that OK'd Obama's election. Screw the fact that all of his co-workers and the entire country is OK with the evidence provided thus far. After all, this evidence only shows how far-reaching Obama's power to conduct this conspiracy is.

No sheep to no sham, Lakin stood his ground and refused to deploy. No matter that his orders came from a higher ranking officer whose qualifications aren't in question. Apparently, we are to assume that his orders were personally delivered by the president and that Lakin was the only person that could bring an end to the madness.

My favorite part is once the court martial got underway. Lakin realized that the only thing his douchebaggery has gotten him was his 15 minutes of [Fox News] fame, the end of his career, and a potential jail sentence. Suddenly, he can be heard saying its OK if his demands are refused because "I don't want it to end this way, I want to continue to serve."
Maybe you should have thought of that before you refused to do your job.

Court martial proceedings, potential jail time, and wasting the military's time on grooming a high level officer who can't be counted on to do what is asked of him.

THIS is whyipaytaxes.
read more:'Birther' army doctor Lakin convicted for not deploying(bbc)

200 mph patrol car

TAKE A $360,000 POLICE CAR

ADD AN INCOMPETENT POLICE OFFICER

AND YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A WASTE OF TAXPAYER MONEY!

read more:Italian Police Crash Lamborghini Patrol Car(NYT)

Outra GE ous

Steve Breen

2 for 1

Its that much better when the city has to pay to repair two cop cars for the same mistake.

Saving Private Ryan - The shopping list

A US plane fell apart over Libya. The two man crew ejected to safety.

But they were in a bad place and they had just crashed their ride.

In the events that followed, the various forces were involved

Consumed:
1 EA F15E Strike Eagle Fighter Jet (+ weapons)
2 EA 500 lb laser guided bombs

Deployed:
2 EA AV-8B Harriers
1 EA F16 Fighter Jet
1 EA KC-130 Fuel Tanker
2 EA MV-22 Ospreys
2 EA CH-53 Sea Stallion helicopters
1 EA Platoon of Quick Reaction Marines
1 EA Flight to undisclosed location in Europe

All that and we only saved one of the 2 guys. The other one was found by Libyan Rebels and kept safe until he could be flown out to the aforementioned undisclosed location.

Cost of doing business!

THIS is whyipaytaxes.
read more:Timeline: U.S. forces hurried to rescue of two stranded airmen(cnn)

PS - Anyone wonder how the hell 2 laser guided bombs were consumed in a rescue mission? A group of Libyans were approaching one of the pilots, so one of the Harrier Jets dropped the bombs in between the Libyans and the pilot.
5 Libyans were injured by shrapnel from the explosion.
I did mention that the other pilot was saved by Libyans, right? Good thing we didn't bomb them too...

Those poor Chinese...

The UK has decided to stop giving its taxpayer's money to several poor countries such as China, Russia, and India.

Yeah. Until now, the worlds second largest economy was in dire need of your tax pounds more than your city government or local school.

THIS is whyBRITSpaytaxes.
read more:UK 'to end direct aid to 16 countries'(bbc)

PS - They're just shortening the list of countries getting aid. Overall, they will give away more of your tax pounds than ever.

No one here, eh?

You may have seen some of the stories about countries frantically trying to evacuate their citizens from Libya. Oh the costs involved...

But a real champion crew from Canada have managed to earn the Least Valuable Rescue Flight Award. In spite of having 213 Canadians registered at their embassy as wanting to get the fuck out, this crew landed at Tripoli and took off again without picking ANYONE up.

While no one really knows anything yet, the only official response at this time is that they were unable to find any Canadians or citizens of 'like minded countries' waiting at the airport. I'd be willing to bet the crew never even got off the plane, staying only long enough to refuel for the flight home.

They also say the conditions on the ground were dangerous.
Yeah. We get that... Isn't that kinda the reason you went there in the first place?

Rescue flights saving themselves from the hostile territory they visit...

THIS is whycanadianspaytaxes.
read more:Canadian rescue plane leaves Tripoli with no passengers(bbc)

The tangled webs we weave

Clay Bennett

Cuts N Hikes

Clay Jones

Feel the burn

Every single ambulance service in the UK has begun investing in everything from wider stretchers to specialized ambulances to better serve the morbidly obese sect.

I'm talking double wide ambulances with reinforced lift gates, heavy duty wheel chairs, lifting cushions and a hoist.

So put down that twinkie tons of fun, 'cause you're running up health care costs in more ways than your diabetes treatments...

THIS is whybritspaytaxes.

read more:Fat patients 'prompts ambulance fleet revamp'(bbc)

DHS becomes DLS

Another tough one here. This reason for spending our tax dollars is beyond reproach - I just like pointing out why it is we pay our taxes...

We now have Immigration & Customs Enforcement (ICE) Agents from the Department of Homeland Security in countries around the world placed there simply to defend those countries against American criminals. Specifically we're after those creepy enough to go on vacation looking for underage prostitutes. Their goal is to find these creeps and instead of letting them bribe their way out of local trouble, we bring them back to the U.S. for some real justice.

I bring this up because of the apparent inconsistencies.
1.) They are IMMIGRATION agents. They are not MIGRATION agents. Lets use our border patrols to patrol our borders. Let them work on catching people coming into our country, not leaving it.
2.) Though it has long been 'proven' that 'Home'land Security begins in countries like Iraq and Afghanistan, we should really take a moment to inform our government that those countries are not our HOMEland.
3.) Imagine the costs involved in maintaining a force in other countries, in shipping the creeps back for a full blown trial, and all this process entails simply because we don't trust their courts to punish our citizens severely enough for crimes against their citizens.

Here's my point - We can't turn the Department of Homeland Security into the Department of Land Security because it is the most appropriate group of agents to spread thin. If this is a problem that we feel must be addressed, then lets take care of it. Lets create the Department of Saving Others From Ourselves and staff it to the brim with special agents trained to put an end to child/sex/slavery. Let the DSOFO find their own funding and lobbyists and support in congress. Don't tell me I'm paying for border agents to keep me safe, then send those agents a half a planet away from the borders I've been told their guarding.

Our border agents protecting their borders...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

read more:The US agents tracking down sex tourists in Cambodia(bbc)

The Horse Molesterer

Derek 'Wood' Woods just LOVES horses.

In December of 2009, a woman who owns a stables in Devon (England), was surprised to see ol' Derek crashed out in her barn. Shooing him away, she thought she had seen the last of this sorry excuse for a man. To be safe, she had fake cameras and an audible alarm set up in and around her barn.

In February of 2010, she noticed that one of her horses was walking funny again. Fearing the worst, the fake cameras and alarm were eliminated and replaced with hidden infrared cameras.

By August, Derek just couldn't stand to be away from his little filly any longer and gave the stable owner and police a little infrared show.

Aside from the small mountain of private cash invested in this by the stable owner, we have several calls out to the police and now a trial and some punishment to pay for. Luckily they won't put him in jail, but a probation officer will be that much busier for the next 24 months. I also imagine Woods won't be paying for his own treatment for alcohol dependency.

THIS is whybritspaytaxes.

PS - I was torn about titling this post 'Horse Rearing', but 'The Horse Molesterer' just had that much more kick...

PPS - I was picturing a dodgy old man barely hanging on in his drunken twilight years. It was another look at the story before I realized this guy is 26 YEARS OLD! Man... If you can't get a date at 26, you've got issues. Wait. I guess that this guy has issues was already pretty clear...

read more:Man sentenced for sex act on horse at Devon stables(bbc)

Inspection emergency: They're baaack!

And stronger than ever! (Back story in old post: Inspection emergency(wipt))
This time, they brought reinforcements.

Doule the idling pleasure for double the breathing fun!

Yes, it takes a fire truck AND an ambulance to get 10 blocks away to re-inspect a building. This time it took about 6 folks to complete the inspection.

And, I'm not kidding, its not that big of a building I work in:

Home sweet office

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Good money after bad

I don't know what I'm going to do when I grow up, but its gonna be BIG!

You can look long and hard, but it is unlikely you'll be able to find a more shining example of government waste. As with most government waste, this project was started with the best of intentions. 10 years and $6.5 BILLION(£4.1 BILLION) later, I'm not so sure those good intentions were followed through on...

The project is the Nimrod MRA4. It is the last combat airplane Britain developed. The intent was to be able to patrol the Atlantic Ocean looking for submarines. The plan was to build 9 planes total.

Then the new government took over. With 1 plane completed and ready to fly and 3 planes at 90% complete, the government decided it would save itself from $3.19 BILLION in operating costs to kill the program immediately.

$6.5 BILLION already spent on the project. Kill it now to save $3.19 BILLION.

Lets recoup costs?
1.) 1 was complete, 3 were almost done, we can sell them, right?
Wrong - We don't want the folks who want them to have them. The folks we don't mind having them have no realistic need for them. Plus, its a very specific plane. To finish production and to maintain it in use would require its own specialized workforce.
2.) At least we're gutting them for parts, right?
Wrong(ish) - They're trying, but most everything on these planes are already truly obsolete. Remember, they were designed 10 years ago. According to a guy at the Ministry of Defense, you wouldn't put some of these components in a Play Station let alone a modern military aircraft.
3.) Just stop progress and store it until economies and budgets are restored to ridiculous levels, that'll save the money, right?
Wrong - Remember, these planes are already so obsolete, we can't even use most of the components. Plus, storing a project of this magnitude still requires a big building and crews to keep it up. Just throwing it in a garage out back ain't gonna work.
4.) We're not just going to cut it into pieces and sell it as scrap metal, are we?
You Betcha.

Spending $6.5 BILLION on a project and destroying the results...

THIS is whybritspaytaxes.

read more:Why smash up a brand new spy plane?(bbc)

Rocket fueled

Can I get your help moving this weekend? I think we got it in 1 trip.

I don't know the exact fuel economy of the Delta IV Heavy, but it has got to set us back a bit every time they fire this puppy up.

The rocket itself is as tall as a 20 story building.
It burns a ton of fuel each SECOND. (What does a ton of rocket fuel run now days?)

It brings gigantic satellites into orbit for the CIA and DOD. We don't get to know what it weighs or exactly what it carries. Though we do have this hint: Large imaging satellites of the type the Delta IV could launch would have remarkable resolution

They spent $100 MILLION just upgrading the launch pad to fit this bastard.

As I often do, I'll state that I'm not saying whether or not this project is good or bad, its just how we spend our money. I'm kind of glad our government has the baddest satellites...

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Watch the video in this link. It looks a bit like a skyscraper lifting off.
read more: Huge Delta rocket flies from Vandenberg, California(bbc)

Guinea raid!

Some brilliant police work and a questionable way to gain probable cause warrants led to the police investigating a hotspot in a primary school teacher's garage.

Cops taking part in the big pot growing operation bust turned out to find a couple guinea pigs enjoying themselves under a heat lamp.

Yes. Some police departments regularly fly over homes looking for irregular heat signatures. Apparently the damage to the environment and law enforcement budgets is well worth making it hard for those rowdy, no good potheads to get their fix.

By rowdy, I mean lethargic.
By no good, I mean hungry.

THIS is whybritspaytaxes.

read more: Bradford cannabis raid finds guinea pig heater(bbc)

Toll dodging

In an impressive feat, a man in China was able to evade $560,000 in toll charges over a 9 month period by affixing military plates to his vehicle. Then they fined him another $300,000 and sentenced him to life in prison.

Of interest:
That one could run up over a half a million dollars in tolls over a 9 month period makes me wonder if he did a lot of driving, or if there are simply too many toll booths in China. (I'd say both. He was running overweight loads which incurred larger than normal toll charges.)

That one could obtain military plates to put on his vehicle to evade tolls makes me wonder about their military quartermasters.

That one could be expected to repay $800,000 while spending life in prison... Well, I suspect he'll be costing more than what he already owes.

In the end:
In a relatively un-China-like move, they have decided to re-try the poor guy because of a bit of a people's revolt on the Internet. Hopefully the cost of this re-trial and the amount they save by not imprisoning him for the rest of his life are a wash.

THIS is whyCHINESEpaytaxes.

read more: Outcry prompts retrial for Chinese toll dodger(bbc)

Dunk

Maybe this one won't cost too much if they can use a different fire truck to pull it out.
And, of course, this truck still works...

Suddenly Big Red understood why he was never to bob for apples

The cost of freedom

Of course maintaining the largest military in the world is gonna cost some dollars, but this is still a fun figure:
The Pentagon's budget for 2012 is expected to be $553 BILLION.

I expect it'll be worth every penny.

THIS is whyipaytaxes.

Bird droppings

Over a thousand black birds dropped out of the sky on New Year's Eve in Arkansas. It wasn't particularly wide spread, pretty much all came from the same flock. It can logically be explained by a number of things, but it really does make you wonder.

But why wonder, when you can have the Arkansas Fish and Game Commission investigate?
About 65 birds were sent off to the lab for further testing.
I imagine this is going to run a bit more than routine blood work.

Oh, and the city of Beebe hired a specialist waste-disposal firm to collect and dispose of the dead birds from gardens and rooftops. Can't just leave the little bastards lying around...

As is often the case, this is arguably a service well worth the tax dollars. I just hope its a competent investigation with transparent results.

THIS is whyarkansasianspaytaxes.

read more: More than 1,000 blackbirds fall out of Arkansas sky(bbc)

What a riot!

With 2 guards and 4 support staff, it was time to conduct breathalyzer tests on inmates at Ford prison. 2 guards and 4 support staff quickly turned into 2 fire engines and 140 prison staffers when the riot broke out.

Some of what costs tax dollars:
1.) In this prison, they had "a pool room with 10 newly-installed pool tables"
2.) The prisoners destroyed this room, along with a mail room, a gym, and a snooker room. I'm glad so much has been invested into the comfort of these gentlemen. Now if only we could somehow get them to STOP DESTROYING IT ALL!
3.) "Specialist prison guards in body armour have been tackling rioting inmates" - THAT can't be cheap
4.) Prisoner transfer costs - "damage was severe and prisoners had begun to be moved out of the compound to elsewhere"
5.) "Once control is fully re-established, a review is called for to determine how and why this happened"
6.) "[calls] for upgraded CCTV for the site to be installed as a priority"

Well, I hope you boys had fun.

THIS is whybritspaytaxes.

read more: Specialist officers tackle Ford open prison riot(bbc)